When I was a child I wanted to learn how to play piano. Actually, I wanted to sing and dance and play an instrument. I wanted to learn to play more than I could tell you. I would go over to my cousins house she had a piano. She could play piano and we would sit and sing as she would play. We would harmonize and I loved it. She taught me how to play chopsticks and a few others things, but that was about all I learned. I was never allowed to take lessons...dad said we couldn't afford it. I remember when I was in grade school we learned how to play the song flute in music class. I loved it. I remember watching the music teacher pleading with my father to allow me to learn to play an instrument. The teacher didn't give up. I can still see them face to face as he was telling my dad that I had a lot of natural talent and that it would be a shame to waste that talent. He asked my father to not dismiss his request. The answer was a resounding, "NO!" My father turned and walked away. As a child I gave up.
I didn't want to play the piano because my cousin played piano. I wanted to play piano because God had given me that talent and I needed to use that talent. I didn't understand that as a child. I only knew that I wanted to play piano more than anything else. I didn't understand that God had given me this desire until I was saved by God. So many times since being saved there have been situations and opportunities to play for so many different reasons. The most important reason, to play praise and worship. I believe God wanted me to play for His glory...to worship HIm. But...I can't. I had a small electric piano with only a few keys. I loved that thing. For some reason my mom gave it away. I don't think anyone realized how important that was to me to learn to play an instrument. I was a pretty quiet child and didn't speak out much for fear of being disobedient so I just accepted what happened.
The desire to do something and not be allowed to follow that desire can really impact a life. I didn't want to continue on this path with my own family, with my husband and my children. When Dave and I were first married he was not working in the field in which he had his major he was working a different job to survive. He spoke about radio often and I understood the passion. Soon after being married we moved so he could pursue his dream. When our oldest son showed an interest in computers, beyond the ordinary, we encouraged his passion and it took almost all of our savings but we bought him a computer. It was that important. This son works in the computer field today.
Dreams...desires...passions...beyond understanding...beyond ourselves...given to us by God. I was denied my desires as a child. I have been unable to pursue my desires because of income whether as a child or an adult. I got married and had children and moved all over the country...and still after all these years this desire to learn to play piano has not left. Why, because God gave me this desire.